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The Crackerhead Chronicles: The First Crumb

Posted by Jerry E Beuterbaugh Labels: ,

Howdy!  My name is Jerry Eugene Beuterbaugh.  I was physically born into this world at 2:30 p.m. on November 24, 1957 in Newport, Arkansas, which is around 70 miles northwest of Memphis, Tennessee, and this is an abbreviated account of my life so far.

Now, a great deal of what is contained in this book is for the benefit of my estranged children.  For there will come a time when at least their children will desperately want to know as much about me as they possibly can.

Nonetheless, I do believe that my story will be found to be rather intriguing by others.  For by definition, a crackerhead is someone who crumbles under pressure—regardless of whether real or imagined, and for most of my born-again life, I have felt much more like a spiritual crash-test dummy than any sort of conquering hero of the faith.

No, mine is not another tragic tale of woe.  That is, at least not in the beginning.  For I figure I had a really good childhood in comparison to what far too many others have had to endure.

On the other hand, the rest of my story is debatable.  For in the eyes of this world, I have not met with much success.  In fact, considering the amount of my perceived potential, I have been a miserable failure at almost everything I have endeavored to do, and there is much about my past that I am deeply ashamed of.

Thankfully, the end of my time in this world will not be the end of my existence, and despite just how painful it has been, it does bring me some comfort to now understand that all I have experienced in this world has been for the glory of our Heavenly Father and my ultimate good.

Of course, that may be something you would consider as being absolutely ridiculous.  Before the end, I hope you are convinced otherwise.

Click [here] for a free fancy PDF of the entire book.


  1. EddieGarcia

    Hello Jerry,

    Good to finally know your name. This takes courage to write about yourself and share with the world some of your most inner thoughts. I admire you for this undertaking and hopefully this will bring you and your children back together. We have an estranged son, so we know where you are coming from in that relationship. I will look forward reading your other posts. Hang in there my friend!

    Friends 4 Life!

  1. Carol

    Hey Jerry,

    Is this a biography?


  1. FishHawk

    I am fairly sure that it will not be until after my time as a part of this world comes to an end before my children will have their eyes opened. I am hoping that this is coming from the wrong side, of course, but it is certainly better than them never being able to look at me as being anything but a monster. Much has been left out, but you should be able to see that they do have their reasons for thinking that way about me as you read more and more of the story. Thanks for stopping by, my dear Eddie!!!

  1. FishHawk

    Yes, this is my tale so far. Well, at least as much of it as I can tell without hurting more feeling than I want to. Thanks for stopping by, my dear Carol!!!

  1. Mountain Woman of Red Pine Mountain

    I can't wait for more. You and I are almost the same age and I can appreciate what you have written and I'm anxious to read more.
    I'm so sorry you are estranged from your children.

  1. FishHawk

    Thanks for stopping by, my dear Sara!!! Considering how much work you-all have to do to get your new home even somewhat ready to be lived in, I am deeply appreciative of you taking the time to read as much as you have. Be assured that being estranged from my children has been extremely difficult for me. For I was very hopeful that the day would come when they would understand that what I did was in their best interest, but that day has not come yet. In fact, it may not come until well after I am gone.

  1. Sharkbytes

    Well, you know that God doesn't measure success the same way that humans do! And aren't we glad?

  1. FishHawk

    We would sure be a lot better off if we would want to understand the way our Heavenly Father sees things, and I have been just as bad as anyone, as the rest of this book should make abundantly clear. For I have always equated what I naturally considered to be success in this world with how pleased He was with me when the absolute truth of the matter truly is that those things do not count for much at all. Thanks for stopping by, my dear Sharkbytes!!!

  1. Rob

    Ah, I was wondering what the term/expression "crackerhead" meant, so thanks for clearing that up. Looking forward to reading the rest of these entries.

  1. FishHawk

    Thanks for stopping by, my dear Rob!!! The first time I ever heard it was while I was out there truckin', and it sure is a shoe that fits me. Alas.

  1. IJ

    Thank God this is finally out for all to read, Everyone who reads this will have to make up their own minds on the awesomeness of
    Gods Grace on your life.
    Jerry I must tell you that seeing this quote
    "I have been a miserable failure at almost everything I have endeavored to do, and there is much about my past that I am deeply ashamed of". Brought tears to my eyes again as it did the first time I read it but, am sure that as I continue to read, I would also learn new things or better yet... God will reveal to me what I missed the first time around.
    God bless my greetings and love to Alynda

  1. FishHawk

    Thanks for stopping by, my dear Hannah IJ!!! It is so good to see that you are back. Be assured that I have missed you.

  1. cmousseau

    It is always a pleasure to read your writings :) It has been a while but am pleased to have come back to read once more :)

  1. FishHawk

    Thanks for stopping by again, my dear Ms. Mousseau!!! Wow, it has been a while. I hope all has been well with you and yours. Please don't be shy about leaving more comments--especially if you think I am plumb nuts! (LOL?)


    Nice sharing your life experiences on here.All is well.Nice post.Plz do pass by my blog on freeing your mind, follow and comment to improve my works too.Thanks.

  1. FishHawk

    Thanks for stopping by, my dear Ebenezer!!! I hope you will continue to read the rest, and I will be over to check out your site muy pronto!

  1. Catherine

    Dear Jerry, I am sorry to hear that you were not feeling well. I hope that you are doing better. Writing is an excellent way to help bring your family back into focus. Very often it helps to heal. I will keep you in my prayers.
    Thank you for visiting my blog. I look forward to your visiting again. Blessings, Catherine

  1. FishHawk

    Thanks for stopping by here, my dear Catherine!!! Be assured that I greatly appreciate your concern. If you keep reading this, you will see that I have actually been very sick since 1993, but some days are worse than others, which is what has been going on lately. Alas, I keep telling our Heavenly Father that I am not nearly as tough as He keeps treating me like, but He keeps insisting that He knows what is in my best interest.

  1. Gail

    Your writing style is very good. It was an enjoyable introduction and look forward to more.

    Crackerhead is a much better position that crack head!!!

  1. Jerry E Beuterbaugh

    Thanks for stopping by, my dear Gail!!! Well, not necessarily from my point-of-view. For a crackhead can stop ingesting that poison while I am afraid that I am stuck with being me for the rest of my life.

  1. ElderChild

    Thankfully we can lose our minds, for only then can the mind of The Messiah truly be manifest within us!

    But is takes quite a lot of cracks for such to finally happen, and when it does we will soon be taken Home, Home at last!

    Till then:

    Father Help! and HE does.......

  1. ElderChild

    Thankfully we can give up our life, for The Life!

    Let the suffering continue, for "Love suffers long"!

    Father Help! and HE does.......

  1. Jerry E Beuterbaugh

    Thanks for stopping by again, my dear ElderChild!!! Alas, oh how I wish it didn't have to be as such, but if our Heavenly Father is indeed perfect in all of His ways, so must it be.

  1. Brenda Rees

    Hi Jerry,
    Just recently gone on line at home. I am pretty green on blogs but hope to learn and spend more time interacting, with and reading more of, other peple and their blogs. No I don't think you are strange for saying your life has been by design. The Bible says, in Psalm 139 I believe, that every day of our lives is written in His book before even one of them was formed, and I believe this absolutely. I have had many experiences which most people may find strange, one was what is sometimes calles a 'near death esperience'and I definately believe that all things are possible with God. Some of these experiences are on my blog www.lighthousevision.blogspot.com if you would like to view them. Your blog is one which looks very interesting to me, and I hope to read more of it soon.

  1. Jerry E Beuterbaugh

    Thanks for stopping by, my dear Brenda!!! I included your Lighthouse Vision in a Sites To See last February 24th, but I failed to become a follower of the site until just now. Please forgive that oversight, and I will try to leave comments on a regular basis.


  1. Melinda

    Oh I will be here for some time...This looks very interesting..I cant wait to read..


  1. Jerry E Beuterbaugh

    Thank you so very much for stopping by over here, my dear Melinda!!! Please, do not hesitate to say so if come across something that you find very hard to swallow. Be assured that there is much about my experiences that I wouldn't believe if I hadn't been there at the time, and I still have my doubts about what really happened with some of them!

  1. FlowerLady Lorraine

    This brought tears to my eyes.

    God works all things out.

    I look forward to hearing/reading more of your chronicles.

    May you and your wife have a nice weekend ~ FlowerLady

  1. Jerry E Beuterbaugh

    Thanks for stopping by, my dear FlowerLady!!! Yes, our Heavenly Father does work out all things for His glory and our ultimate good. Hopefully, that will be clearly conveyed by the end of this book.

  1. Incipient Wings

    Thank you for your visit .
    I look forward to reading more about you:)
    Happy new year to you

  1. Jerry E Beuterbaugh

    Thanks for stopping by, my dear IC!!! I hope you find some value to my story.

  1. Susan

    Jerry I have stopped by here a few times before, but the prospect of reading a book online was a little bit daunting with all the other things I had going on...but I'm back! And I think I am ready (Lord willing)-- and thank you, btw, for your visits and kind comments at my blogsites. :)

  1. Jerry E Beuterbaugh

    Thanks for stopping by, my dear Susan!!! Be assured that I understand. For one of the main reasons for wanting to hook up our TV to the internet is so I can do more reading from a more comfortable vantage point.

  1. JOHN

    Jerry its been awbile since I've been by your blog I aways enjoy reading it,You sure have a lot of comments stop by and.please leave acxommente

  1. Jerry E Beuterbaugh

    Thanks for stopping by, my dear John!!! I am sorry for not stopping by your site more often. I just added it to my Feedly subscriptions, and I will try to do better.